Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
