Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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