sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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