im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
