I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My balls are so social today.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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