Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
