so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
