If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
