Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
