My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
