Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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