Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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