I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
