He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
