I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
