dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
