one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
