When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
