More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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