the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
