my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
