Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
