my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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