he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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