I accidentally had phone sex last night
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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