is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she woke up with a sticky ear
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
