happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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