I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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