Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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