That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
