if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
