i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm at about main and main street
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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