Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I intend to get homeless drunk
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
