I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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