I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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