um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's shark week go big or go home
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
