I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
