two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
