I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
