Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
