I hate all girls vehemently.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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