The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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