just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
