4 words: hood of his car
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
