What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
