the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
