this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
