Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
