Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
