we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize