Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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