I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
