the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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