Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
