She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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