my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Randomize
