God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
