So drunk its hurt
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
