there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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