could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize