You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
