I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize