Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
