I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize