I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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