and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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