I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
