Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
