Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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