you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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