Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
