In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
