she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
