i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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