I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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