Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
