Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
