the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
farters have to be the big spoon...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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