If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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