your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize