I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
