I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize