You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
