Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
