i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize