Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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