i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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