When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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