So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
