No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
