well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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