I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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