we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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