Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize