Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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