Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize